Our last encounter was weird, neither you neither I were focused and we didn't try to make it work. It's true, we had fun and it wasn't a painful experience but I decided that I had to turn around and I did it.
I'm sorry that I left you at that time, I'm sorry that I didn't realize how beautiful you are and how entertaining you can be. I'm sorry.
On these last four days I came back to you, and this time I had no expectations. I wasn't trying to achieve anything or to prove that I took the right decision when I left you. No, it was simply because I wanted to relax and take life as it came.
And you received me with open arms, and didn't even mention our last encounter. I was so surprised, I couldn't believe it. It's true, it wasn't perfect... but, will it ever be?
I have only one thing to say to you, I'm sorry.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Reaching out/Giving up
I wouldn't say that I'm a terribly social person, in fact I can be classified as a kinda "shy" person. Despite that, outside my country I'm always classified as a social person. Here in Norway the same thing happened, for some reason I'm again classified as a social person, not only that but I'm classified as a very social person.
However everything has its limitations. I can say that I've been trying to reach out people, but so far I could say that I have reach two and I've half reached three more. Which is not bad if you consider what I said in the previous paragraph, but anyways the problem is that people here sometimes simply ignore me. I would prefer somebody telling me "Please stay away from me" than simply ignoring me. Or to say it correctly, politely smiling and avoiding me.
Is it so difficult to be honest and say: "stay away from me"? or is it that difficult to be nice to somebody? The thing that gets me the most is the fact that if I reach people they are very nice to me, but the moment I stop reaching they do not react. Maybe is Scandinavia, maybe it's me but definitively I do not get it. I mean, wouldn't be easier to just be the same all the time? if you are not interested in me trying to establish contact, please say it so. If you are, please try to show some interest, because it is hard to understand what is going on.
But as somebody already told me about Scandinavia: "it is difficult to distinguish between a rock and a person", I didn't believe it at first, but I'm starting to believe it now. Please people from Scandinavia, be a little more "emotional" and try to express your anger, happiness, interest or lack of interest because for somebody like me that is used to be able to understand people based on reactions... I still cannot differentiate people from rocks!
However everything has its limitations. I can say that I've been trying to reach out people, but so far I could say that I have reach two and I've half reached three more. Which is not bad if you consider what I said in the previous paragraph, but anyways the problem is that people here sometimes simply ignore me. I would prefer somebody telling me "Please stay away from me" than simply ignoring me. Or to say it correctly, politely smiling and avoiding me.
Is it so difficult to be honest and say: "stay away from me"? or is it that difficult to be nice to somebody? The thing that gets me the most is the fact that if I reach people they are very nice to me, but the moment I stop reaching they do not react. Maybe is Scandinavia, maybe it's me but definitively I do not get it. I mean, wouldn't be easier to just be the same all the time? if you are not interested in me trying to establish contact, please say it so. If you are, please try to show some interest, because it is hard to understand what is going on.
But as somebody already told me about Scandinavia: "it is difficult to distinguish between a rock and a person", I didn't believe it at first, but I'm starting to believe it now. Please people from Scandinavia, be a little more "emotional" and try to express your anger, happiness, interest or lack of interest because for somebody like me that is used to be able to understand people based on reactions... I still cannot differentiate people from rocks!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Life
This week has been (so far) one of those weeks that you cannot say if it was good or bad. On the good side are the salsa lessons that started last wednesday, so hopefully I will improve my dancing skills (which are not that many, if any at all), and the fact that I finally started a cooking blog (you can visit it here).
On the not so good side we have some work related stuff that is not going as expected. Fortunately nothing too bad, but it took a big toll on me.
I also decided to go to Belgium to Fosdem. Well, actually I'm going to drink beer but my main excuse is to go to Fosdem. I will visit a monastery where they brew the best beer in the world. The strange part is that you cannot get that beer outside the monastery, they do not mass produce and they only sell it on a cafe owned by the monastery and in the monastery itself (more information here).
On the not so good side we have some work related stuff that is not going as expected. Fortunately nothing too bad, but it took a big toll on me.
I also decided to go to Belgium to Fosdem. Well, actually I'm going to drink beer but my main excuse is to go to Fosdem. I will visit a monastery where they brew the best beer in the world. The strange part is that you cannot get that beer outside the monastery, they do not mass produce and they only sell it on a cafe owned by the monastery and in the monastery itself (more information here).
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Today++
I was thinking about naming this post "Thinking about the future" (a mirrorish version of my previous post) but in the end I realized that this is not about the future but about what to do next in my life.
This week was weird, Nokia offered to buy the company where I work and that was unexpected (At least for me). I came here for two reasons:
1. I wasn't having a good time in the US
2. This is a small company that feels just like home
Point 1 is still valid since I'm not in the US anymore, but point 2 is about to become invalid since I'll be working for a very big company.
On the personal side, things are going well. I enjoy my life in Norway and despite some minor "misunderstandings" with norwegian culture, I have nothing to complain.
So if I mix the two things, I'm in some kind of unstable state.
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.
This week was weird, Nokia offered to buy the company where I work and that was unexpected (At least for me). I came here for two reasons:
1. I wasn't having a good time in the US
2. This is a small company that feels just like home
Point 1 is still valid since I'm not in the US anymore, but point 2 is about to become invalid since I'll be working for a very big company.
On the personal side, things are going well. I enjoy my life in Norway and despite some minor "misunderstandings" with norwegian culture, I have nothing to complain.
So if I mix the two things, I'm in some kind of unstable state.
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Thinking about the past
Today for no particular reason I decided to go through some old emails to try to remember how was my life at a different point on time.
First of all, sometimes I even surprise myself... I've done things that I shouldn't have done, and I have let some other people do things that they shouldn't. I'm also impressed that things that once upon a time caused me great pain and suffering are no longer causing it, it's a weird mix of feelings but overall I think most wounds are healed.
Second, I think I don't regret anything of what I've done. This seems like a contradiction given the first point, but it is not. I realize that I've done things that I shouldn't have done, but it is also true that if I haven't done them I wouldn't have learned. It is also true that if I haven't been hurt by others, I wouldn't have learned either, so that's why I do not regret any of my past actions.
Third, I'm a very drastic person. After going through some emails, I realized that I'm either black or white, but never gray. It's kinda scary, because sometimes it might be better to be less confrontational, but ... what could I do? I realized that I've tried to be more "gray" but it never worked and in the end the reason why most people get close to me is non other that me being so damn drastic.
Fourth, I should be saying "I'm sorry" to so many people... but I don't feel like it. I only say "I'm sorry" when I mean it, and if I haven't said "I'm sorry" to you is because I don't mean it, so I still think that I took the right decision no matter what happened between you and me. Yes, you might say that the last statement is selfish and you can call me anyway you like, but I still won't say "I'm sorry".
Fifth, I have never exchanged recipes by email... so I think I need to start doing that. Given that I love to cook, and sometimes I even cook just for the fun of it (my coworkers are really happy about that because whenever I feel like cooking and have the time to do it, I bring something to work), I think I need to start exchanging recipes or maybe even uploading some recipes here. Well, if anybody is interested just let me know.
Now that I read everything I wrote I think I was needing this post, I had a lot of things to say.
First of all, sometimes I even surprise myself... I've done things that I shouldn't have done, and I have let some other people do things that they shouldn't. I'm also impressed that things that once upon a time caused me great pain and suffering are no longer causing it, it's a weird mix of feelings but overall I think most wounds are healed.
Second, I think I don't regret anything of what I've done. This seems like a contradiction given the first point, but it is not. I realize that I've done things that I shouldn't have done, but it is also true that if I haven't done them I wouldn't have learned. It is also true that if I haven't been hurt by others, I wouldn't have learned either, so that's why I do not regret any of my past actions.
Third, I'm a very drastic person. After going through some emails, I realized that I'm either black or white, but never gray. It's kinda scary, because sometimes it might be better to be less confrontational, but ... what could I do? I realized that I've tried to be more "gray" but it never worked and in the end the reason why most people get close to me is non other that me being so damn drastic.
Fourth, I should be saying "I'm sorry" to so many people... but I don't feel like it. I only say "I'm sorry" when I mean it, and if I haven't said "I'm sorry" to you is because I don't mean it, so I still think that I took the right decision no matter what happened between you and me. Yes, you might say that the last statement is selfish and you can call me anyway you like, but I still won't say "I'm sorry".
Fifth, I have never exchanged recipes by email... so I think I need to start doing that. Given that I love to cook, and sometimes I even cook just for the fun of it (my coworkers are really happy about that because whenever I feel like cooking and have the time to do it, I bring something to work), I think I need to start exchanging recipes or maybe even uploading some recipes here. Well, if anybody is interested just let me know.
Now that I read everything I wrote I think I was needing this post, I had a lot of things to say.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Skiing
Last tuesday I decided to join some people from the office and go to ski. For the records, previous to that date I have never skied before so I bought some ski clothes and I decided that I will give it a try before buying skies and boots.
I had a lot of fun! It must be said that I hit the ground like 2,000,000 times, that I crashed two persons (one random person and one friend that was trying to teach me) and I even crashed the ski lift house.... I don't know if the rest were ashamed of me and my lack of skills for ski but I had a lot of fun.
On the weird side, after crashing the guy I didn't know we managed to switch skies and I only noticed when I went to return my skies and the guy in the counter told me that I was the other guy because I was returning a pair of skies of different size!
The good thing is that I liked it very much, so I'm looking forward for part 2 of learning to ski!
I had a lot of fun! It must be said that I hit the ground like 2,000,000 times, that I crashed two persons (one random person and one friend that was trying to teach me) and I even crashed the ski lift house.... I don't know if the rest were ashamed of me and my lack of skills for ski but I had a lot of fun.
On the weird side, after crashing the guy I didn't know we managed to switch skies and I only noticed when I went to return my skies and the guy in the counter told me that I was the other guy because I was returning a pair of skies of different size!
The good thing is that I liked it very much, so I'm looking forward for part 2 of learning to ski!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Painting and more
This weekend I decided to start phase two of operation "Painting my apartment". So last thursday I went to Maxbo (kinda norwegian version of Home Depot), and bought some paint. Since now I'm painting the entrance hall I decided to go with a not so common color so I choose violet for the wall and purple for the finishings. Yesterday I started the painting process and so far it looks very well.
Continuing with the improvements to my apartment I also went to Ikea and bought some furniture I was in need, and of course I bought more than what I needed but it does not matter my apartment is going to be very cool.
So, all this made me wonder what's going on... I mean, I'm improving my apartment, I'm buying furniture that matches with what I have and with the colors I'm using... so far, every time I bought something there was a clear practical reason for it, but this time it seems that is basically because I'm happy and I just want to make my apartment nicer. Maybe it's the norwegian winter, maybe it's the fact that I really like it here, maybe it's a combination of those and more reasons, but no matter what I'm doing it.
On a side track, yesterday I received an email from somebody I thought I would never hear from again. It is curious how you can try to bury some things in your head and in your heart just to realize that some things are stronger than what you think. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to hear from that person, it's just that it really surprised me. We used to be very good friends and for my blindness and dumbness we part on different ways (even different countries) for a long time. Hopefully this time things might turn out better.
Continuing with the improvements to my apartment I also went to Ikea and bought some furniture I was in need, and of course I bought more than what I needed but it does not matter my apartment is going to be very cool.
So, all this made me wonder what's going on... I mean, I'm improving my apartment, I'm buying furniture that matches with what I have and with the colors I'm using... so far, every time I bought something there was a clear practical reason for it, but this time it seems that is basically because I'm happy and I just want to make my apartment nicer. Maybe it's the norwegian winter, maybe it's the fact that I really like it here, maybe it's a combination of those and more reasons, but no matter what I'm doing it.
On a side track, yesterday I received an email from somebody I thought I would never hear from again. It is curious how you can try to bury some things in your head and in your heart just to realize that some things are stronger than what you think. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to hear from that person, it's just that it really surprised me. We used to be very good friends and for my blindness and dumbness we part on different ways (even different countries) for a long time. Hopefully this time things might turn out better.
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